is a story about how a greiving father and a daughter who
missed her own father(me), connected, and how the experience
offered comfort and healing to us both.
I remember this time in my life as being filled with a sense
of freedom and adventure.
I was living on a river with some friends, for about a month,
with my little dog, Raku(I was told raku meant happiness in
japaneese..is it true?), a few changes of clothes and a small
pack. I loved sleeping under the stars and waking up early
in the morning to the cool crisp fresh mountain air. I loved
the feeling of the unknown; looking for stray jobs caretaking
animals or gardens in trade for food or a little money, walking
miles a day everywhere I felt led to walk and just the all
around freedom of no thaving any material attachments or obligations,
if I did not want them. I treasure that time in my life, because,
it engrained in me a sense of knowing that I could survive
with , almost, nothing, or start over from, almost, nothing
and be ok with it. This proved to be a handy experience to
draw on in my life as I was forced to begin over from nothing,
in my latter years, a couple of times, and I drew on this
experience to help me through those times.
One day while I was walking the 1-2 mile walk in between the
two small towns, Garberville and Redway, I noticed a small
truck slowing down a bit and looking at me while i walked
carrying my little fluffy dog, Raku. I took note of the truck,
yet, thought nothing much of it, until, the next day, taking
the same walk, I saw the same truck again. This time the man
slowed down, even more, and was staring at me. I felt a little
uneasy at first, yet, something told me he was safe or he
was "ok". A few moments later, the man approached
where I was walking from the other direction, so he must have
turned around to drive back the other way. Suddenly, I saw
him drive slowly up onto the shoulder at a turn off and pull
up along side of me. I stopped and looked at his face as he
slowly pulled up and saw a kind fo pain in his eyes that moved
me and, somehow, I knew he was ok. He asked "I know you
may think I am a stranger, and I do not blame you if you don't
want to, yet, woudl you like a ride?"
I said "umm no thank you, I love to walk, yet, thanks
for the offer."
He looked down and bit his lip and looked back up with tears
in hs eyes and asked
"may I please show you a picture of my daughter? I am
on my way to donate a scolarship in her name and..God..you
look so much like her, I really thought I was seeing things..I
really thought..you were an angel. I told my wife I saw our
daughter walking down the road a few days in a row and she
said I must be seeing things..but you are real.."
He told me he wanted to stop becuse he was on his way, a few
times, to donate a scolorship in his daughters name, yet,
could not bring hisself to do it. After seeing me, he felt
he had received a sign, of some kind, from God, that she was
offering him the strength to do so. He continued to tell me,
his 21 year old daughter, that looked, almost, identical to
me, was married 6 months ago and was 3 mos pregnant. When
the daughter and new husband were moving down off Alder Pointe
Road her car went off the side off the road and she was killed,
instantly. This was such a close loving christian family...so
similar to mine. I began crying and said that..I had been
concerned or worried, lately, that my father loved me or was
proud of me and, somehow, feeling the love for his daughter
helped heal me in some way, in that moment. My own father
had been going through some difficult issues with his business
and I think I was interpreting his sense of defeat as directed
towards me at times. Anyways; We both gained something that
day; I was offered a job, counceling, at a christian camp
for teens. A place had been left open by his daughters absense..I
had a deep revelation about how much my father really did
love me, after this man assured me of it. He was insipred
to , finially, make the trip down south to offer the scholoarship
in his daughters name, and I made a new friend. We both cried
and hugged (through the car window) and about a month later,
I was walking about 3 hours from one small town up into the
hills where my sister Dianne lived, with my little puppy,
again, and up on a hill to my right i heard "wait!! wait!"
looked up and there was this man I had met on the road, about
a month before, running down a long driveway. He said "nanci!
youve got to come up and meet my wife! Noone believes me..Noone
believes I saw you and met you..they think you were a vision!"
I saw his wife in the background with her hand cupped up to
her eyes , trying to get a focus on me. I said "ok"
I walked up the road and his wife reached out an dhugged me
as soon as I reached the top..she welcomed me in..told me
the story about how the daughter and her husband were going
to move onto the property and the husband had begun to build
an addition..yet stopped working on it when her death occurred.
She said; " after he met you, he was insipred to finish
it so it was a blessing". She showed me pictures, on
her mantel, of her daughter, and I could clearly see, we could
be twins! They continued to stare at me and somehow I wish
I could ease the pain in their eyes ..it just fel tas if they
were conforted, yet, I was not their little girl. She was
a year older than me. When I went to camp to offer my services
as a councelor, Nicole (the young girl who had passed away)
had a brother , Jason, who attended the camp. He had been
depressed and not talking much to anyone, yet, came up to
me and attached hisself telling me he felt somehow he was
with his sister..so we bonded , also. The whole experince,
I feel, is one of those experinces that is arranged by spirit!
It was a blessing that we all connected and help eachother
to heal and enriched eachothers lives. 15 years later, when
I made a phone call to the mother, she told me that my husband
and I taking homeless people in had insipred her and that
she had used the addition meant for her daughter to take homeless
girls in to help them get on their feet. It is amazing what
one hello can lead to..when we trust and open our hearts to
the merical of spirit! One smile can heal beyond our imagination.
It has been 10 years since I have contacted the family and
I think i wll make attempts to do so, in the next month. I
wonder; is there even more to the story..I will let you know!